Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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