on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
