dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
