why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
