you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
