I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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