I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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