chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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