hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
