I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
