my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
