just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
