i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
