Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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