Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize