I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
