I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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