Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
