Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
