Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
