how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
