I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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