Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
