Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm too high and old for this...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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