My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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