you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
