He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
