there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
