in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
