just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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