I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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