When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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