Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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