just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize