Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
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