Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
