What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just pee around me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize