I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
