problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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