Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
