I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
