is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
