If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
