Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
