Dual....:-)
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Text me some of your sweat
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
