If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
