I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
