all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
