First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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