What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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