My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
