If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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