Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
