YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
