You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
