Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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