don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
