In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
