i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize