Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
