i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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