She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
