last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
