You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
