When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
